squirrels' bollocks

Introduction
Serves four (or one greedy bastard).
Hot.

Ingredients
Olive oil for frying.
Two chopped onions.
A good handful of shelled cashew nuts (flaked almonds are a good substitute).
One quarter of a bottle of Patak's Garam Masala (or any Garam Masala with a strong cinnamon flavour).
Four hundred grammes chick peas.
One hundred grammes mixed vegetables (frozen is fine).
Two tomatoes, skinned and pulped (a small tin is fine).
A bottle of red wine, preferable dry.
A teaspoon-full of yeast extract (such as marmite).
Dried red lentils, washed if necessary.

Instructions
Using a high setting, heat the oil and add the chopped onions.
When onions starting to brown, add the nuts and stir to ensure nuts brown fairly evenly.
When cashew nuts starting to appear golden brown, stir in Garam Masala.
After a minute or so, add chick peas and tomatoes.
After another minute, turn heat down to medium, add mixed vegetables, half the wine, and yeast extract.
When mixture is boiling, add the remaining wine, except for one glassful to be drunk by cook.
After five minutes, add whatever feels like enough red lentils to absorb liquid, turn heat to low.
It will be cooked after another fifteen minutes---do not let boil dry.
The ideal consistency is a "sludge" which will be packed with flavour.

Serving Suggestions
Best served on crockery in front of hungry people, maybe with rice. Not suitable for hamsters.