The Trumpet Blown

I went to a concert one night—
the church is across from my house—
it turned into quite a good fight:
the horn versus everyone else.

Frank played every note very flat—
or sharp—he found all of the keys.
The tones of those sounds he got out?
You’d think that a foghorn had sneezed.

The orchestra wandered along,
the chorus was actually good,
apart from mute cursing of “Wrong!
I’d staple his lips if I could”.

These problems continued for years
’til concerts in front of a Lord,
who walked from the music in tears—
and Frank, he had put to the sword.

Such murder is highly improper;
the Lord was convicted in court.
But Judge was a music conductor,
so fined him a bottle of port.

You’ll find, when your life is complete,
if down to the torment you’ve fell,
Frank proving, for Satan’s conceit,
that trumpeting takes you to Hell.

I understand an earlier version of this poem was published by Page 84.

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