zhengzhou

We’re visting this city for the dull and boring reason that it’s a stopover en route from Luxembourg to Beijing. There’s a direct flight here, and we will catch the local TGV tomorrow. There’s no need to moo loudly when transferring, whilst suffering the malchance of weather and institutional disorganisation, either by divertion via Reykjavák and Zanzibar, or being delayed and accomodated for free on an overnight park bench (to be fair to Lufthansa, the one time that happened, we were actually put up in a pretty posh German hotel).

Zhengzhou may be a small town from the Chinese perspective—after all, it only has 13 metro lines—but with my Luxembourg eyes it’s a massive and vibrant modern city.

As a Western tourist, I am an unusual site. People wanted to be photographed with me. People practised their English on me, and those to whom I spoke had better English than my Chinese (not difficult). Everyone was very friendly and polite, although that’s mostly because, it seems, I’m not Chinese.

Particular points stand out, pretty much as random moments:

• Foreigners, well westerners, are extremely rare here. It’s very unlike many European cities, where the international presence is exhilarating, although the resurgence of the politics of cowardice in much of Europe is threatening and depressing.
• The style of driving is very different here. I could not drive here, even though I can drive confidently, without taking lessons in advance. To drive safely, anywhere, one has to do what other drivers expect, and vice versa, and right now I can’t do that because driving expectations here are very different to Europe. For example, on motorways, it is perfectly normal to weave, something that would get you immediate police attention and a hefty fine in the UK.
• Crossing the road at a busy junction is insane. The roads are full of scooters, which look like the old style European scooter, except all are electric. When crossing a road, even on a green pedestrian light, these scooters, and cars, regard their red light to mean, not STOP, but DODGE, & specifically dodge each other and any inconvenient pedestrians. This is very alien to me, and the one time I got fed up with it and pulled a mock “you’re going to crash into me” face, the young lady on the nearest speeding scooter took one look at me and very politely said hello, so I said hello back. Indeed, a young man on another scooter then said hello too, but I didn’t have the wit to reply to him: even though I’m old, fat, and hairy, I still get dazzled by beauty. One has to adapt to the norms for where one is, but I would have never guessed that a good place to chat with a beautiful young woman, who is trying not to kill you, is a pedestrian crossing.
• I practiced my extremely limited Chinese on some poor locals, who kindly pretended to understand, sometimes, what I was mangling. This is helping me start using the language, although this is very much a very simple start. I also managed to screw up a few times. For example, when getting out of the metro I accidentally walked into and slightly injured a young lady. Unfortunately, I forgot my Chinese, and, instead of apologising, embarrassingly said Thank You. I think she understood my intent, but, all the same, in the very unlikely chance she’s is reading this, I apologise unreservedly to her now.
• I expected coffee prices to be insane, but, at 10 yuan, it’s actually significantly cheaper than Luxembourg. The espressos are a bit watery, but this isn’t Italy, so that’s hardly unexpected.
• I had the usual fun of language—many signs included an English translation. These translations are far better than old clichés suggest, although they can still be imperfect. One supermarket has an unfortunate name in English, as you can see from the photo. I will give them, though, when we were coming in, they were playing what sounded like, to my ignorant ears, Chinese rap. I didn’t understand a word, of course, but it sounded immense fun. Because Chinese is a tonal language, the word sounds themselves were innately musical. No doubt, in context, it was music meant for children and their guardians, but, even so, it makes me want to explore Chinese rap, presuming!
• We were being guided around the city by the family of a friend of my wife, the friend having lived in Luxembourg. Her son very kindly picked us up from the airport, and, later, him and his family, including two young sons, took us to an excellent restaurant, which I will happily recommend to anyone. The food was very good, although, because we were jetlagged, I did not make the best of it.
• The same friend took us to a park in the centre of the city, apparently a source of great civic pride. It has some important history, apparently, although I didn’t grasp it. What I did see was a popular park kept in superb condition by the staff.
• On the way back from the park, my wife’s friend was as little lost, so she approached a Chinese policeman who was being shouted at by an unhappy women—we were outside what appeared to be the local social services HQ. Despite the shouty lady, the policeman cheerfully pointed us to the metro.
• Like anywhere, we were introduced to the city by the locals, who naturally took us to the places of civic pride. We did not see the rest of the city, the nasty bits, the embarrassing bits, the places where things have gone wrong.
• It’s not all good. For example, and here I reveal my British roots, the plumbing’s disgusting. Like Russian plumbing, like Iron Curtain plumbing before most ex–communist countries joined the EU, one cannot put toilet paper in the loo, one has to put it in a bin by the toilet. What a great way to spread disease. I don’t get it; here many toilets are electronic with automatic flush, which sometimes even works, and yet they’re so primitive they can’t handle toilet paper.

Having visited one capitalist superpower, for the marriage of my nieces, it is very interesting to visit the other. Yes, China, a communist country, is very capitalist; as Marx pointed out, capitalism is full of contradictions, and this is one of those. China is a now capitalist country pretending to be communist, just as the United States is a capitalist country pretending to be a democracy. The corruption is more overt in the US (bribes to senators, representatives, and presidents, are unlimited and perfectly legal), although whether the corruption is worse there or here, I have no clue. As a European, I obviously hope democracy will prevail, but I find the return of fascism in Europe, as funded by deeply evil people such as Elon Musk, who openly demonstrates support for the politics of mass murder and death camps, is very worrying.

Were I young and a student, and completely ignoring paperwork and the madness of bureaucracy, I would seriously consider coming to Zhengzhou and studying Chinese here. It’s such a vibrant and alive city that I suspect this is a great place to be young and foreign.