image: something appropriate to break up the text

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to get myself a new laptop for six months. Then I got an invite to perform at the Bergen eliterature conference, presenting the material I put on my poetry podcast. So I ordered the laptop … but, er, “we don’t accept electronic transfer, you can pay by cheque, cheese, groat, old goats or molested sheep”. Never mind the detail my money is abroad. Never mind the detail that my Irish bank account doesn’t have a cheque book. Do any new bank accounts have cheque books? I’ve not seen one for five years.

So, sod it, I waited until I had the money in Ireland, then had a bankers’ draft written. The official order was then dated 22nd August (Friday), the money got to the manufacturers on the following Monday.

This is Apple, who promised a four working day turnaround. Well, that wonderful four working day turnaround means the laptop will be delivered to me by September 17th, so they promise, a few days after I return from Bergen.

So, people, remember, what Apple means by 4 days is what everyone else means by 4 weeks. Clearly they’ve been inspired by the concept of days used by banks, when they’ve making excuses for denying you access to your own money*.

My only hope is that the Apple announcement of new products on 9th September (I’m writing this on the 7th) means there’s a better product being announced, and the laptop was delayed so I’d be getting something better I actually ordered. I guess that’s actually rather like hoping for a week of sunshine in Ireland.

*It always annoyed me that British banks used to claim that a cheque took three days to clear, a process that always, without exception, took at least four days. Their brazen abuse of both language and numbers always astounded me. Don’t they care they’re seen as arrogant? I guess not.