image: old luxembourg metro

Been called a psycho–bitch? Revel in your new psycho–bitch status. Write yourself a to–do list and leave it lying around.

  1. Liquidise a kitty;
  2. Send your CV to Ming the Merciless to prove he’s not the nastiest;
  3. Write an open letter to the Tea Party pointing out they’re a bunch of middle–of–the–road ninnies;
  4. Liquidise another kitty;
  5. Ask the local dentist if you can record his operations for your ‘collection’;
  6. Be polite to a member of the UKIP;
  7. Liquidise more kitties;
  8. Create an asteroid version of a rain dance, then dance your asteroid dance on those you know to be your enemies, namely everyone;
  9. Write a letter to the birds, apologising for getting the timing of your asteroid dance wrong, saying you’d be sorry about their cousins had they not got too big for their boots, so actually you’re not sorry at all, and the birds had better watch out;