see nerd)
2008b

needing a social change

I’ve been happily living alone for decades, but now I find I want a woman about. It’s rather like spending decades growing flowers, and suddenly discovering the joy of concrete. Recent events have left me out of emotional balance. That’s the concrete. The only way back for me that I can see is company, long term company (oh great, irritating rhymes … this isn’t going to be easy, is it).

It’s annoying, to be honest. I was quite happy the way I was. But, well, the way I feel now, I can’t stay here.

My advantages are there; I’m intelligent, I’m a poet, I’m a geek, I’ve an evil sense of humour, I’ve taste, I’m polyclass, I can be good company.

My disadvantages are numerous, starting off with the fact I’m fat. It’s not simply that I enjoy food and booze, although that doesn’t help. It’s not that I don’t get much exercise, although obviously that doesn’t help either. I ballooned when I was 13. My brother, living the same lifestyle, did not. I’m quite convinced I must have caught a fat bug; I ballooned after a trip to hospital with a broken arm. However, I’m quite unwilling to go to the extremes necessary to counter it’s lifelong side-effects. I would exercise if there were exercise with utility, neither vain nor self–indulgent. So I’m fat. Not outrageously fat. But fat. Judge for yourself.

Another disadvantage is my age. I’m older than Sputnik, I was born when rock’n’roll was fresh, the RouteMaster is my big brother and the DS my big sister: I’m older than the hills, or specifically this hill. There’s nothing I can do about this, of course, except, er, well, blimey, I just had a weird dream, thank God I’m still 17 and stupid … er ….

Also, and this is a serious disadvantage, my sexuality is not mainstream. I am a dominant sadist. I was once inquisitor on bondage.com, if that helps. I need that rare woman, a phoenix, a girl who needs the flames.

One reason I left the UK is the British government legislates against people like me, born with this sexuality, as if the law could change the history of human evolution. I’m searching for a new homeland. I’m not settled, I’m moving around Europe. Or maybe that’s an advantage; it depends on the eyes looking.

I’ve been living alone for more than thirty years. When I was young, I found that I couldn’t really stick living in a house with other people about. In retrospect, this was because I simply didn’t get on with my family. But by the time I’d realised that not everyone is bloody irritating to have around for more than 48 hours, I’d found I rather enjoyed being alone.

And, of course, there’s all the habits I have, the way I’ve worked out how to live. I’m sure some must be awful to other people, although I really don’t know which ones are. They work for me, otherwise I wouldn’t use them.

I don’t really have a clue what to do to find someone. I do know I want to find someone significantly younger than me, if only because I want the option of family. But what to do? I’ve wandered round supermarkets but never found the proper aisle. I’ve really no clue.

Ok, I do know about internet dating sites, but, to be honest, I’m simply not convinced there’d be a candidate amongst the spammers, the boulders pretending to be willow, the unironable pretending to be silk: internet dating is a lee for the dishonest and the self-deluding. The fun I have on those sites is entirely non-sexual; it’s arguments and banter with fellow old grouches. I find I only go near the dating sections when drunk.

29.9.8

still stockhausen

I’ve been listening across the electronic genres, mostly the popular stuff, to make sure I know what’s going on. As good as some of it is, and some is very good, none can touch Stockhausen’s electronic music. I couldn’t work out what was it about his work that makes me respond so deeply.

Well, I spend most of today feeling morose, and needed to hear something of depth. So I played Klavierstück XV Synthi-Fou, the Stockhausen Verlag discs. On CD 1, there’s a piece of synthesiser music that works so well for me, and I don’t know why. On CD 2, Stockhausen explains some of the secrets in his guidelines for performers.

Everything is fresh. It’s not just the notes that never repeat, every phrase has its own sound texture that’s very rarely reused. The uniqueness of the textures is subtle; well, I didn’t spot it. It’s not all the magic, but it’s important. And it marks one thing that stands out in his electronic music from almost everything else I’ve heard over the last few months.

22.9.8

the four horsemen

Me and my friend lilly nipped out to see The Four Horsemen, performed by the dance group Volcano, in the Dublin fringe, last night.

For me, it was an interesting follow up to the Bergen electronic literature conference. Both contained sound poetry, concrete poetry, video; both mixed poetry and performance arts. The Four Horsemen performed dance and sound poetry. They were great fun.

Volcano enhanced their performance with video clips of Canadian sound poetry from the late 1960s (to judge by the shirts), both performers and critics. This gave context for those many people who’ve never heard of sound poetry.

Canadian sound and concrete poetics seem to have taken a different direction to British / European. Over here, right now, most I’ve recently heard is expressive shouting, with post-processing by computer to generate soundscapes (which I think would work better purely as soundscapes, to be honest, but then it’d be plain old music). The performance last night was far more chanting, with no post-processing.

If you get a chance to see them, do so.

20.9.8

electronic literature and new media

I’ve a mention in the draft ELECTRONIC LITERATURE AND NEW MEDIA authoring software page. Ignore me, go there to explore many other poets works.

18.9.8

bergen elit

Last weekend, there was an eliterature conference in Bergen, at which I presented some of my work. I got some positive reactions, which is always good.

I had intended to recite live, but I was unable to set up my laptop because it still hadn’t reached me. Instead, I presented an earlier version of this quicktime movie.

Because my set required me to aim a mouse and press the button, once, I didn’t get round to resisting the wine. This is possibly why it was a mistake to ask me to man the mixing desk. I was fine at the beginning, but soon got flummoxed by some problems with the sound for one presentation. By the end, I completely failed to tell the announcer that some microphones work better when switched on, so he had to shout. Not my finest hour.

Despite my contribution, though, there were some fine presentations on that Thursday, and the Friday. The conference itself contained some fascinating papers. The full programme’s here.

Of the presentations, many were concrete. There was at least one other video, some interactive works, and even a novel with google maps.

I’m not convinced that interactive poetry, as yet, adds anything significant to poetic effect. Well, to be precise, I’m not convinced that what it can add has been found.

For performances, interactive poetry can’t be too scripted, otherwise an audience wouldn’t so much interact as plain act. The two established areas, that I can think of, where successful performances occur without detailed scripting are jazz, especially jamming, and improvised comedy. In improv, audience involvement tends to be directed and minor, seeds for a subsequent improvisation by those on the stage. In jamming, the audience members who participate do so by becoming performers.

I’d like to explore direct audience interaction myself, but I need to think through possible mechanisms. More, I’ve a slight problem of a lack of an available audience: I’m hoping Devon or lillibulero might solve that one in the new year.

It’s worth mentioning that normally, when I recite, I select poems at the time, based on the audience and what’s happened beforehand. This is to heighten the potential poetic effect by making the set more relevant, it’s not audience interaction.

18.9.8

black loft

I’ve only been to one Dublin fringe event, an attempt to auction some art for a play, and then I only went along to meet a Hungarian who shares my reaction to the continent of Ireland.

I did my bit; I contributed to the event, and the play it was funding; I bought some overpriced bad beer and some failed raffle tickets. That’s not a complaint, that’s what you do.

The place felt like a 60s hippy artists’ loft recreated by a middle class ambient playwright. The art was pretty good and expensive. Only two pieces attracted my eye. One was a unicorn on a magic-esque background, with what I interpreted as artificial steps going to its head; I enjoyed the contradiction. The other was a large outline piece: a green line of rolling landscape, an almost butterfly tree on the hard left. What made it was the background, a subtle wash of morphing colour.

All the pieces, in one way or the other, were fantasy, were tidy, were sweet. There was no decay, no violence, no pollution. They were all very suitable for aunt Mathilda’s front room, had I an aunt Mathilda. They so didn’t belong to the world that birthed them I felt reality’s darklight would have them wilt. Still, someone had a sense of irony; the place was called the Black Loft.

You know, that makes them fit right in with the Dublin poetry scene. That says I ought to go see the art in Cork. Or, far better, bugger off to Paris. Je me donne deux ans, credit crunch permitting.

7.9.8

exploring electronic music

Since I’m generating music, it makes immense sense to listen to what other people are up to. I gave up on non-classical music in about 1981, so I’ve a great deal of catching up to do.

I’m doing this by subscribing to emusic, at the maximum rate, and grabbing something hopefully representative from many of the categories.

And, you know what? What I really find I like is not what I expected to really like at all. I’m getting into avant garde jazz. In retrospect, it was probably a little predictable, given I love classical avant garde, and I used to play jazz (tuba). Artists that particularly appeal include Peter Brötzmann, and the Revolutionary ensemble. I’m even enjoying Sun Ra, whom emusic are heavily pushing, and by doing so are making me very suspicious of their motives and the artist.

But, all the same, I’m exploring the many flowing genres of electronic music, and am finding some interesting work amongst the too many fields of gentle fluff. I need to explore more. I have to browse hip hop in particular. It is, after all, spoken poetry over music, the same stuff I do, even if the poetry form is too often desperately tired and clichéd. But then lyrics and poetry have different needs.

But no electronic music from emusic really stands out to me. Unfortunately, until I know where to look, I’m unlikely to find things that strike me starkly. Or, at least, I hope it works out that way.

7.9.8

flock state album

This website has seen heavy traffic growth over the last few months. This is down to three things:

(i) an annoying indexing engine that isn’t labelling itself as an index engine; normally indexing isn’t including in traffic reports;

(ii) lots of plays of my poetry, especially the sequence "tin rush" (published a while back by greatworks);

(iii) lots of plays of flock state, the free version.

Lots of plays of “flock state”? Poetry might not sell, but music does. I’ve decided to see if this might work. So I’ve produced a properly, if crudely, mastered version of flock state, with some further minor remixing, and am posting it for sale on iTunes, emusic, etc.. It actually appears online by my brothers birthday, December 8th.

I’m not expecting anything, to be honest, but I’ll give it a go; this release is intended to be a marker more than anything. Anyone who’d like to do something similar should go visit tunecore.

I spent a couple of weeks posting CDs for review. I’ve had no reviews. I have had generally positive comments from friends and colleagues, but would they say if they didn’t like it? (I would, but I’m a deflective bastard).

This activity is really an attempt to get over music stuckism; I’m stuck on flock state and need to get rid of it before I can move on and approach more music.

I want to revisit parts of tin rush with music in mind; flock state includes the A rush, a related sequence. I’ve no idea if that will happen.

7.9.8

bergen laptop

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to get myself a new laptop for six months. Then I got an invite to perform at the Bergen eliterature conference, presenting the material I put on my poetry podcast. So I ordered the laptop … but, er, “we don’t accept electronic transfer, you can pay by cheque, cheese, groat, old goats or molested sheep”. Never mind the detail my money is abroad. Never mind the detail that my Irish bank account doesn’t have a cheque book. Do any new bank accounts have cheque books? I’ve not seen one for five years.

So, sod it, I waited until I had the money in Ireland, then had a bankers’ draft written. The official order was then dated 22nd August (Friday), the money got to the manufacturers on the following Monday.

This is Apple, who promised a four working day turnaround. Well, that wonderful four working day turnaround means the laptop will be delivered to me by September 17th, so they promise, a few days after I return from Bergen.

So, people, remember, what Apple means by 4 days is what everyone else means by 4 weeks. Clearly they’ve been inspired by the concept of days used by banks, when they’ve making excuses for denying you access to your own money^*.

My only hope is that the Apple announcement of new products on 9th September (I’m writing this on the 7th) means there’s a better product being announced, and the laptop was delayed so I’d be getting something better I actually ordered. I guess that’s actually rather like hoping for a week of sunshine in Ireland.

^*It always annoyed me that British banks used to claim that a cheque took three days to clear, a process that always, without exception, took at least four days. Their brazen abuse of both language and numbers always astounded me. Don’t they care they’re seen as arrogant? I guess not.

7.9.8

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