angst cycle (iii)
[κ] (iii)

my history
always has me
responding to invitations

and
incidentally
always has those responses
rejected

am i too slow
are those invitations
cancelled
when the girls find out more
i don’t know
but it was never
a nice experience

so
now
i have to turn this round
i think
do the inviting
do the rejecting

i’m old
i’ll be rejected
almost all the time
i can plan for that
though whether i can take it
i don’t know
i never could
which is why
then
i stopped inviting
myself

but that’s left me
in this disaster place
recipient of poisons
when all i sought was peace

sodding biology

but to start to make the invitations
you notice this plot is a defensive measure
to start to make the invitations
in a world where so many do so much so often
i have to plan and train myself

a project
i suppose

notice the excitement