angst cycle (iii)

but due to my damned dose of insanity
i want a place in your life that you’ve no intention of letting happen
although i’ve got my feelings under newer management
they’re still the same rotten insanity
the only future that I can conceive that involves you
is a future that you want nothing to do with

i’m grateful for the conversation of the last couple of days
very grateful indeed
but i still have this fundamental problem
of detested feelings well certainly unwanted
that i have to deal with

the conversation has helped a great deal
and the one particular matter that i still want to explore
risks turning into mastication of forgotten irrelevance for you
or that’s how i read it
so i don’t expect it’ll be explored any more

the only way to manage these feelings
so i have a chance of finding some form of peace again
is either to have them realised
or have them put down
with you not feeling what you don’t feel
my only choice is to destroy them
that still means i somehow at some point
have to cut you out of me
even though i haven’t been able to do that yet

that detail
as minor as it is
is in the way of that
if i can ever get there

i can’t live a life without inner peace
i have to regain it

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