angst cycle (iii) — [P] (iv)

i found myself
thinking an apology

not for the cut
that’s necessary
for my health

and although
i’d like to think
she’d be hurt by it
i’m pretty sure not much

i wasn’t very nice
things i said

i might send it
to apologise for my words
god knows if she’ll read it
i suspect not

the cut
and i’m talking
it’s her contacting me
i have to stop

i’ll say why
i’m crap at handling
emotional pain
i can take no more
she saw me stop absorbing

i owe an apology
i don’t want the cycle
to restart
i’ll ask her not to reply
being pretty confident
she’ll not read it anyway

since she said
a gadzillion nos
well two or three
too many
my thoughts
of her feelings
are likely exaggerated